For years I've neglected myself. There are a number of reasons for
this: rejecting societies definition of beauty, an effort to avoid
vanity, lack of resources, busy-ness and eventually even laziness all
contributed to my behavior.
I didn't want to take the time,
waste the money or put forth the effort to pursue beauty and physical
health anymore. I didn't feel like it was worth it, but unfortunately
this fed a mindset that secretly said that I'm not worth it. The less I
did for myself, the less I liked myself. This affects all areas of my
life, how much love I can give, how much love I can receive, how I
relate to myself, others and even God.
In my first year of
ministry school I learned so much about who I am. I am a daughter in
the Kingdom of God. I am important and what I believe has an impact on
my life. My beauty isn't for my vanity, but rather points to the
creator Himself and His nature. For the first time in years, I decided
to intentionally love myself. To express on the outside the
transformation that was happening on the inside mentally and
spiritually.
I started out small. I started playing with
color in my hair again. I started wearing makeup again. I started
trying to buy clothes with some sense of fashion (though I still
struggle in this area - mostly because nothing fits the way I think it's
supposed to ;) But it's a process, change can happen over night but
this one is taking some time. And I'm choosing to embrace the process
of it all.
At the beginning of this month I started a
cleanse. I'm eating ridiculously healthy and I feel amazing. I wake up
each morning ready for the day. I'm thinking clearly and accomplishing
so much work. I'm enjoying the process of getting my body clean.
(Truncated content from original blog source.)
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